2009 is still yelling at me. It's saying, "Helllloooooooooo in there. I've arrived and you're ignoring me and I don't like it. Not one little teensy tiny bit!" You know, it's probably karma nudging me in the cheek. It's probably exactly how my children feel when I bury my face in this thing they (the computer people) call an Apple, which I would have appreciated or would have thought it to be something healthy to ingest. Apples are healthy, aren't they? Oh wait.....wrong Apple. I bet this one that I digest on a regular basis has more significant, yet invisible consequences than the UNorganic ones that I buy at the store. (first note to self: start buying organic. no matter how much it cost. it'll make you feel better. less guilty, you know? toxins are BAD.) Like a dirty house, unpaid bills, cancerous Gamma or Beta or X or Radiowaves being emitted through my skin, neglected children, take out food more than 4 times per week.............this Apple might just be throwing my BALANCE off a bit. Balance. Hmmmm. Now that's a thought, isn't it. I've been looking for it for, I don't know, for forever. I think even when I was young I was unknowingly searching for that feeling of what I'm sure I couldn't describe then, but what I know now is balance. I have a pair of New Balance tennis shoes. I don't play tennis though. And I for darn sure don't have balance. It's funny though, because the moms that I see and that I meet and that I am friends with (or pretend to be friends with, which is disgusting to me, but they do it too. it's part of being in a community of moms. women. united, yet so divided. heehee. where do i come up with this stuff?) seem to have it. And I feel so out of place. But I feel happy too. Most of the time. I guess I'm not sure what real happiness is either. And being out of place feels common to me. I'm a Dory in a see of Nemo's, I tell you. Again, my brain is so warped. But at least it's real, I guess. Insert wink.
So,we have quite a journey ahead of us don't we? Evy will try to find balance and peace and happiness in 2009. You know, I can be a little overly optimistic at times. My glass really is half full most of the time. And yes, I called myself Evy. Laws has been hearing the little ones in my family call me that recently and he has taken a liking to calling me by my name. Sometimes Evelyn, sometimes Evy. It's the FUN me. The CHILD me. It's MOM to Laws. And I love it. But I digress. I wonder if the woman I am named after, who I've recently wondered a WHOLE LOT about had anyone call her Evy? She was Evelyn Laws also. She gave birth to my father and when he was just 3 months old she died. Of polio. Shortly before Mr. Salk invented the vaccine.
You start to realize, as another one of my mom blog friends says.....Life really just isn't fair. But once you accept that, it can almost be freeing. Bad things happen to good people all the time and it's awful. But it's life. Nothing is constant. Everything changes. Everything. At some point it all changes. OR dies. Or just goes away. Living in the present has got to be part of that whole balance thing I was just talking about. Just appreciating the moment or moments for what they are. And most of the time, they are a hodge podge, a medley, a gumbo, if you will, of miracles. Little tiny miracles that go unnoticed. Oh, this digression problem again!
Being thankful is part of that balance piece too. Every single day, on more than one occasion, we can all.....at some point find something to be thankful for. There was a period in my life when my mom bought me this Gratitude Journal that I wrote in to help me through a difficult time and I still have it. I have a few journals that I've been toying with reading these days but just can't bring myself to open the pages. It's simply fear. But, being gracious and thankful can really carry you through life. It doesn't even take much effort. So....I will add that to my list of things to blog about. Hey, maybe I'll have a weekly list of things that I am thankful for. Let's build a blog "TO DO" list NOW.
So, new "to do" blog list....here we go.
1. Offer up things, at least once a week that I am thankful for.
(ps. music is one of them.)
2.Discuss at least one thing during that week that I learned. Good, Bad or Ugly. Whatever it is. Just talk about it. If I don't learn one new thing per week, then Houston has a problem. (this week...i've learned that sometimes a martini is best.)
3.Word of the week. I know, I'm weird. I just love words, New ones. Big ones. Fun ones. I've thought about busting out the dictionary once a week and learning a new word with Lily. One that we will use a lot during that week. Being able to describe who you are, what you want, and how you want it is power. Words can bring you a lot of places you know. Even the presidency. :)
4.Try to mention at least one book per week. Children's book, article, or one that I am currently reading. This is a big feat, but am gonna STILL add it to the list. (second note to self. rather question: why are you so damn stubborn girl?)
5. Post my most favorite photographs. Even if they are from last year. Only the ones that speak to me. That have emotion somewhere in them. That tell a story. That show who I am as an artist. If that's what you call me, anyway.
6.Create a love/hate list. I've been working on this list for years. Mentally, at least. And well, if you know me.....my mental memory doesn't perform quite as it should since having my children. Hence, the WRITTEN down list. I've started writing down a list of all of the people, places, moments, things, stuff that I love. Or even that I like a lot. Those little things that happen that are so small.....every single day....that make up me. I think when the year is over, I'll have a clearer picture. No pun intended. The hate part....well maybe I should say, DISLIKE or the NOT SO MUCH" list. I am proud to say though, that I usually focus on the LOVE list more often than I do the other. But we're searching for balance here, correct? The yin and yang. The black and white. The plus and the minus. For example........one little thing that comes to mind that is silly but that irks the doodle out of me is.....sheets not being fully dried when retreived from the dryer. The corners are always twisted and bunched up and still WET. ugh. ugh. ugh. They need two, and sometimes three rounds. You know, the fluff cycle. I don't know why. The darn sheets. Insert chuckle.
7.Isn't SIX enough for now?
8.OH wait....need to hold myself accountable for my health. i.e.going to the gym. I love going to the gym. I really do. I love being fit and healthy. Unfortunately, for the past 9 months I've take a hiatus and it's not good. Not good for my brain or my body. Trust me. So, I'll drink more water and go to the gym. Tomorrow. Insert CRACK UP LAUGHING.
9.Try to post photographs that are relevant to the post if I can. Unlike I did today. Sometimes eye candy is all we need right?
Recent Comments